So I'm posting from my G1, riding down hwy 78!

Them: What's going on with that
Me: I wanted more of a relationship than he did
Me: Nothing, and that's the problem
Me: I broke up with him because a relationship was too stressful and demanding for us
Me:But it sems like our frienship isn't important enough to him either

I want you to love me.
I want you to talk to me.
I want you to talk to me about all the important stuff.
I want to feel like I'm a part of your life.
I want to know you, the real you.

My depression is back. Or maybe it never left. All I know is this past week or so has just felt awful. I feel alone. When I'm at work, with mike, dena, tori, my family, I feel lonely. I enjoyed spending time with mike and tori last week but it was always in the back of my mind that I would be going home to my lonely existence. They went off to campus thursday night and I was reading my book and just started crying. Not because they were gone or anything, I think a lot of things just hit me. Like I'm just a piece in everyones puzzle, but I have no puzzle of my own. So I eventually stopped crying and took a walk and felt reasonably better, but when I got back and started putting mikes dresser together it all hit me again. I have nothing of my own. Nothing that just says "me" anymore. I feel like the world is just passing me by and I'm stuck on the sidewalk, trying to get to the other side, but keep getting splashed and knocked back by everything and everyone. I wish I could just live my life for me again, but I'm not sure where I fit into everything. I'm like a part time boyfriend to mike. I thought him moving closer would help, but its not so far...and saturday night just felt so wierd. I felt like I s being a burdon to him and I was frustrated because I didn't know what he was thinking and I couldn't bring myself out of my funk enough to talk to him. And I pissed off tori saturday night cuz I just wanted some space after being up and working so early. Dena and I can't make our schedules mesh enough to hang out. But that's not their fault. Its mine I guess, but I don't know how to fix it...cuz I'm worried that I'm not important enough to anyone, including myself, anymore. Life, and everyone, just seem to see right through me most of the time.

Whatever. Writing here doesn't make me feel any better, and its not like it will make a difference anyway.

I'm afraid my transfer won't make a difference in my life either.

Sometimes I wonder what would happen if I just disapeared and started over somewhere.

"I haven’t figured out which is harder — accepting someone’s flaws and continuing to love them, or revealing your own imperfections and allowing someone to love the true you."

Who knew the gays had such insight?

So Mike Im'd me last night and wanted to go see The Happening and hit the new H&M and ATL Station. H&M is my new favorite store. Fuck old navy, aeropostale, hollister and that bs.
The Happening is, in my opinion, M. Night's best movie so far. LOVE it more and more!
Things were good between mike and I.

And I'm very excited about work now that we are launching Best Buy Mobile. Yay!

I saw mike tonight at screen on the green and although it felt a little awkward at first, things got better. I'm glad Ashley was there tho. I hope mike and I can get to be normal around each other...well as normal as can be expected.
I feel bad I've had sex since we broke up, but I kinda don't.
No regrets, right?

And my job is going really well! It makes me excited about the future and I haven't felt that way in quite awhile. And better yet, I think my boss thinks I'm good at it!
*crosses fingers*

<3

Realize by Colbie Caillat


Take time to realize,
That your warmth is. Crashing down on in.
Take time to realize,
That I am on your side
Didn't I, Didn't I tell you.
But I can't spell it out for you,
No it's never gonna be that simple
No I cant spell it out for you
If you just realize what I just realized,
Then we'd be perfect for each other
and will never find another
Just realized what I just realized
we'd never have to wonder if
we missed out on each other now.
Take time to realize
Oh-oh I'm on your side
didn't I, didn't I tell you.
Take time to realize
Oh-oh I'm on your side Oh
But I can't spell it out for you,
no its never gonna be that simple
no I can't spell it out for you.
If you just realized what I just realized
then we'd be perfect for each other
then we'd never find another
Just realized what I just realized
we'd never have to wonder if
we missed out on each other but.
It's not always the same
no it's never the same
if you don't feel it to.
If you meet me half way
If you would meet me half way.
It could be the same for you.
If you just realized what I just realized
then we'd be perfect for each other
and we'd never find another
Just realized what I just realized
we'd never have to wonder
if you just realizes what i just realized
if you jusr realizes what i just realized
if we missed out on eachother
Just realized what I just realized
OoOoOOo
missed out on each other now
missed out on each other now

Part of me wants to know what went wrong.
Part of my never wants to see you again.
Part of me wants to know if it was something I could have changed.
Part of me doesn't want to know that answer.
Part of me doesn't want to go on without you.
Part of me can't let go.
Part of me wants you back.
Part of me want to fight for you.
Part of me wants to hate you, but I can't.
Part of me wants to die.

I don't know what part to listen to.
I kinda feel like this is so sudden.
I feel so alone

And Mike and I are over.

I hate the fact he lied when he said "I love you"